Cartoon coma
Symptoms: shoulders relaxed, head slightly tilted backwards, breathing slowed down, winking non-existent
Duration: depending on the state of the J-O-B, from 20 min to 10 hours
Coming out line: ‘I gotta pee!’
Commercial break coma
Symptoms: dropped jaw; involuntary hand gestures; involuntary repetition of line ‘I want this, I want this, I want this’; involuntary hopping on and off the sofa
Duration: 3 min
Coming out line: ‘Santa is gonna give me all this for my birthday’
Ice cream coma
Symptoms: eyes flickering left and right for signs of alien invaders stealing ice cream cones from innocent children minding their own business; rapid movements of the tongue (see symptom one); blueberry-flavored burps
Duration: not enough if mama is shopping for new jeans, too long if mama needs to enter the glistening shop with the ‘no ice cream’ sign
Coming out line: ‘Look at my tongue – it’s blue!’
Goofy mama coma
Symptoms: uncontrollable giggling and fake pleas to ‘stop it’; profuse sweating; violent hiccups
Duration: depending on mama’s current medication
Coming out line: ‘Is that why Daddy doesn’t live with us anymore?’
P.S. No children were harmed during the writing of this post but the author of this post holds no responsibility for the possibility of an identified amount of brain cells that could have been harmed by reading this piece. Peace.
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