The puzzle

Some events you never welcome. Some events look like they may be the end of you. But if you step out of your body, leap up and take a look at the shit below from a bird's-eye view, you will see the last pieces of the puzzle take their places. The picture is complete. You can do anything.

Book Review: Go the F**k to Sleep by Adam Mansbach, illustrated by Ricardo Cortés

Article first published as Book Review: Go the F**k to Sleep by Adam Mansbach, Illustrated by Ricardo Cortés on Blogcritics.

Go the F**k to Sleep by Adam Mansbach, illustrated by Ricardo Cortés, is a gem for guilt-ridden parents, tired out of their wits, hopelessly hysterical, shamelessly controlled by small people with loud voices, hoping against hope they can crawl to their beds and (die) stare at the TV screen unseeingly, dipping their hands into the bowl of pop corn in listless zombie-like motions, smear anti-cellulite cream over their baby fat bellies and sink into the all-forgiving oblivion of sleep…

Not so fast! Because if you don’t get those cookies over to your offspring, and that milk, and that water, if you don’t read another book, or tuck their blankets right, or get rid of the monster in the closet, you are risking a minor seizure, or a major fit, with a tiresomely repetitive outcome: the child peacefully asleep in their fluffy bed, angelic expression and cutely parted lips in place, and you nursing your migraine with vodka, curling a lock of greasy hair around your (middle) finger wondering how indeed to go the fuck to sleep when you have been set tick-tock-ticking before you ka-boom right into your own face.

‘Go the f**k to sleep’ is what you breathe out in anger when you can take it no longer, this is the song you secretly wish to sing to your beloved child, the words that come out at the lowest of volumes when you really want to scream them at the top of your lungs. The book is fresh and invigorating because of its belligerent realism: in case no one noticed parenting is one of the hardest jobs around but plenty of chicken-heads out there will shame you out of complaining about it once in a while. The honesty of Go the F**k to Sleep may be over the top for some readers but I am not here to discuss their issues (God help that shrink). The book is genius, period; and it will send you laughing so hard you will not feel your abs (who needs those crunches?).

The juxtaposition of falsely soothing repetition and the deceptively cute drawings by Ricardo Cortés against the oh-so-adult vulgarisms is sinfully tasty and hopefully the violent bursts of laughter will not wake that angel (yep, I said angel). All the usual suspect characters and the setting clichés are here: the cute tiger cubs and the starry moon-lit skies; pyjama sporting toddlers and the bright green grass; woolly lambs and majestically soaring mountains. So the fun obscenities are grossly out of tune for a brutal satirical effect:

The cats nestle close to their kittens

The lambs have laid down with the sheep

You're cozy and warm in your bed, my dear

Please go the fuck to sleep

If you know what it’s like to cry and laugh at the same time, not because you intend to but because you no longer know which action represents which emotion; if you wonder how many miles you make around the house simply putting idiotic objects back where they belong; if your house smells, sounds and looks like a zoo; if you find yourself so exhausted at night you hang on to walls to crawl into bed only to lay there with your eyes wide open because the racing thoughts in your head won’t stop racing; if your hands tremble and your lips twitch uncontrollably at the sound of a completely innocent word –‘water’; if you are looking for tastefully delicious profanity in the name of uncontrollable giggles with no guilt strings attached, Go the F**k to Sleep is the book for you. Enjoy and keep away from those nosy children. Yep, that means you have to put it on that one and only L-A-S-T shelf in the house they can’t reach. Damn, I have to get a patent on that under-ceiling storage unit. If only it stayed up… (Rubbing her black and blue forehead).

Go the F**k to Sleep by Adam Mansbach, illustrated by Ricardo Cortés, is the perfect pick-up for Father's Day.

You are driving me happy

We wait for the first smile, the first yawn, the first crawl, the first step, the first word only to scream at the top of our lungs to knock off all that crazy giggling, stop riverdancing in the bed, quit breakdancing on the table (break is the keyword to all my narratives these days) and stop saying things like:

1.      You are driving me happy, Mom!

2.     Can I kiss your boobs?

3.    (Discussing Desperate Housewives):

-        Who is the prettiest one, Gabbie, Bree, Susan or Lynette?

-        You! (doctor appointment, Sveta, doctor appointment)

4.         -     I’m going to throw out the garbage.
        -    Well, you can’t throw me out the garbage.

5.     You have a cute tiny big tummy.

6.     Since you aren’t taking me to the playground I am going alone to find me a mother who can behave herself.

Peace ))

A Fresh Message from Kung Fu Panda 2

Kung Fu Panda 2 was in 3D? I won’t even go there. Besides the non-stop albeit very entertaining action and the non-stop jokes, the movie raises the ever-haunting questions of biological parenthood and adoption (now we know how a goose could father a panda). I like the story line and the message because, unlike countless ‘inspirational’ features these days, it tells the viewer that when and if one finds inner peace, anything is possible. This is a condition at the very least, and condition presupposes the possibility of failure, a possibility that seems to elude the enthusiastic minds of so many positive thinkers out there, and it’s a refreshing break from the ‘you can be what you wanna be’ mantra everyone seems to be singing these days. It’s not that I disagree with it; I just don’t like it being simplified so ruthlessly. You can if a) you have talent b) work your ass off c) find inner peace and the rest of the alphabet of ‘if’s and ‘but’s . As Claire Dunphy put it in Modern Family ‘Mother's Day’ episode, kids get trophies at competitions for just showing up these days. Panda Po tells us awesomeness is out there for those who deserve it. Thank you, black and white warrior. I pray you don’t become instinct.